Missing Oppa

I continue to miss Oppa these days, but I need to focus on my work....
I admire how Oppa can concentrate on his work...maybe he is a man..and I am not. Don't people agree that men focus work more than on relationships than women? haha

I am quite happy that I got to talk to Oppa for a while. Even if it was only around 30 minutes; I was very happy that he was online. =)

Anyway....time for some random photos...

My brother, dad, and me chipped in to get Canon SD1100 IS for my mom for her birthday. The above photo is her camera stacked up with my own cameras...and my two textbooks on top of the camera boxes. =P

My phone placed on top of my bag with my brown dress.

Activity brainstorming

I don't know what I did these days... so I guess I will do a bit of brainstorming here.

• Watched some YouTube videos (mostly random ones, and a few ones from the Star King TV show)
• Did a bit of back-up for my old laptop...but not much.
• Went out with my family...it's more of a family day...since I rarely go out with my parents.
• Walked with my dad to a place where we would always choose to drive there instead.
• Chatted with my friends in WLM (Windows Live Messenger)
• Applied for a few jobs, but I didn't get any answer yet. I hope I can get a job soon!
• Went to Oppa's house, and moved his books to my house. Speaking of Oppa, I miss him a lot...a lot...a lot.
  
• Shot some photos, but nothing too special...
• Spent a lot of time on Facebook...I think I am kind of addicted to it. I will not do that when school starts, so let me play wildly for a while..haha

I guess that's all...

Now...I guess you can enjoy what I had been listening to lately... =)

Big Bang - 하루하루

Small update

Just a small update before I go to sleep tonight.

After Oppa left Canada, I had been busy ...ordering textbooks, finding jobs, studying for final. I think I was too tired last week, and as the result, I messed up the entire Scantron sheet for my business course. lol...it's funny, but my grade will suffer. Now I know I am really an idiot. XD

Anyway, nothing really special...besides the fact that I really want to keep in touch with Oppa. The fact that he is never online, and never replied my e-mails made me a bit disappointed. However, if he is busy, I will support whatever he is doing...

I am going to sleep now....too tired. I slept at around 6 o'clock yesterday...maybe I should say this morning, and woke up at 9 o'clock in the morning. haha....am I just crazy?

One of my textbooks with my camera.

Last day seeing oppa

Today marked the last day for me to see oppa before he returns to Korea.

It was really sad for me to accept this, and I had even thought about what would happen on our last departure a few days ago.

Well....today, it happened when oppa walked with me to 22nd Street SkyTrain station to wait for the 410 bus. I really wished the time could just freeze there. I wish I could see him more, but I also realized that there is no such thing as "forever".

At the second I turned my back toward oppa to take the 410 bus, my tears started to come out. I really couldn't control my emotion, as I kept thinking about the time we had together...good or bad. I only started to feel a bit better 10 minutes after I returned home. Luckily there was no one at the house, or else my family would think I got hurt by someone.

Anyway...I am happy that I can keep in touch with oppa in the future. I wish that when oppa comes to Canada for a visit (next time), I have ability to make him the most special guest/visitor. =)

Study...

Umm....studying with my things on the floor..

Keeping busy

By keeping myself busy, I don't have to think too much about not able to see Oppa again...However, it doesn't mean I don't care about him. I care about him a lot. Sometimes it worries me that he doesn't eat in a regular basis. I know he doesn't listen to me, but it doesn't make me stop telling him to eat...

I want to see Oppa, but it seems like an impossible task by now. I don't know how many days are left before he leaves Canada.

Anyway, busy busy busy....a lot of reading, and I hope I have enough time to study.

I just realized there is a screenshot feature on my phone yesterday...so here you go. Something to show you. =)

I am a weak girl

I can't believe my tears came out in front of oppa today. (this is probably my third time doing that.... first time: more than a month ago in surrey campus; second time: two days ago in his room; third time: today in burnaby campus)
It happened when he said he doesn't want to see me anymore before I get married.

Of course I know what he is thinking, but I still don't want to accept it. I don't want to understand it, as it really hurts me every time I think about it.

It's not like I am not trying to understand him. I had asked people; I had read things online. The thing is...I know that if I don't see him now, I might not see him again. Even if I get to see him again a few years from now, things will be so different. I have my own family; he has his own. We can't be as close anymore... I don't know when I can see him again, ...this is the only time when I get to joke around him, fooling around with him like real brother and sister.

I imagine that...when he really finally comes to see me when I get married, he will not treat me the same way. I sometimes wonder if we will treat each other like strangers. Maybe I will not treat him this way, but I don't know how oppa thinks of me in the future.

I cannot believe and accept the fact that I don't have a lot of chances to see him again. I might had hurt him a lot, but honestly, I rather have myself hurt than seeing him getting hurt.

I am a bad girl...I had hurt oppa so many times. I really don't want to do it...but I don't know why I do this again and again...which makes my relationship with oppa worse and worse. I wish oppa will really understand this. I wish I can change this to make our lives go a bit easier, but I know he can't wait for me. Changes take time...

Maybe I should stop talking about this...writing about this makes my tears come out again.

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Honestly, I changed a lot since four years ago. Four years ago, I was always cheerful, happy. I had worried about my future, but I always got things under my control.

Now...relationship seems to be the biggest challenge of my life. I really have problems dealing with people, especially men. I don't seem to understand what they want, and what they think. There are times when I say that really hurt them, and I know that. I should really watch what I say...but if I don't say it, sometimes I feel like I will explode. I think I try to control myself too much that there is no time for me to "release" myself.

+++

There is another thing I am worrying about...but I guess I will stop worrying and know the result in a few weeks...
And if you are wondering what I am talking about right now, don't ask me. I don't want to talk about what I am worrying right now. The person related to this topic had already been notified, and so I don't see the point why more people want to know about this...


P.S. Sorry for my bad English grammar and structure. I don't really want to proofread this before I publish this...