Life change

This is my 400th post in this blog in Blogger!

Isn't it time to celebrate? I created this blog in November 2005, but I started writing in this blog in January 2006. It had been over 2 years already. My life had changed a lot! I remember....when I first wrote in this blog, it was mainly about my relationship with Kevin (I called him Duckie). This blog's name was "Duckie Love", but I changed the name to "Kitty Life" around two years ago, and I changed it again to "I Love My Life" around a year ago.

My focus in life had changed. I was so happy with my love life a long time ago, but my relationship disappointed me again and again. If you take your time to read my old blog entries, you will probably learn how I struggle with my relationship with Kevin. He was my love, my friend, my listener. He was always so patient with me. However, I also learned that we can never be happy together. Not only is that a problem between the two of us, it is also a problem between two families. Anyway, and so....since it made me so upset, I didn't really talk about this problem anymore. Instead of writing about my love, I wrote about what I did at school and work. I also wrote about how I worked hard at school so I could get into the Faculty of Business. In addition, I also wrote about my co-op life.

Recently, I also wrote about Chinese, Korean, Japanese, and English songs I love to listen to. I want to share my joy to readers, instead of just bringing sorrow to people. I love sharing thoughts, or maybe writing random things.

And I got to meet Oppa again last semester. I wrote about him...as he entered my life when I started sharing my sorrows with him in May 2008. I know him for more than two years, but I didn't really talk to him much after a course that I took with him ended. I saw him occasionally at school, such as on a web application fair session I had for CMPT 470 with Greg Baker. I talked to him for a while in the information fair, but that was about it. I know more about him in the conversation with Kevin, knowing Kevin always get annoyed by Oppa. Anyway, in May 2008, I started to talk to Oppa a lot more. He became my .... I don't know who he is ... but anyway, he became someone I really care about, and someone close to me (brother? friend?).

Life changed sooo much... now Oppa has gone back to Korea. I can't really write anything about him anymore. Sometimes I am not too sure what he is doing, but I do think about him. All I know is that he is trying hard in his job hunting, and I will be doing the same thing for the next couple of months. I wish I can see him again, but I don't know if that will ever happen.

Until someone comes to my life, I guess my blog will be related to my school life, and job hunting. haha

+++

I guess my stories are starting to bore you guys....I will share a song with you.

Kurumi - Mr.Children

Mr.Children - くるみ

作詩：Kazutoshi Sakurai 作曲：Kazutoshi Sakurai

ねぇ　くるみ
この街の景色は君の目にどう映るの?
今の僕はどう見えるの?

ねぇ　くるみ
誰かの優しさも皮肉に聞こえてしまうんだ
そんな時はどうしたらいい?

良かった事だけ思い出して
やけに年老いた気持ちになる
とはいえ暮らしの中で
今　動き出そうとしている
歯車のひとつにならなくてはなぁ
希望の数だけ失望は増える
それでも明日に胸は震える
「どんな事が起こるんだろう?」
想像してみるんだよ

ねぇ　くるみ
時間が何もかも洗い連れ去ってくれれば
生きる事は実に容易い

ねぇ　くるみ
あれからは一度も涙は流してないよ
でも　本気で笑う事も少ない

どこかで掛け違えてきて
気が付けば一つ余ったボタン
同じようにして誰かが　持て余したボタンホールに
出会う事で意味が出来たならいい
出会いの数だけ別れは増える
それでも希望に胸は震える
十字路に出くわすたび
迷いもするだろうけど

今以上をいつも欲しがるくせに
変わらない愛を求め歌う
そうして歯車は回る
この必要以上の負担に
ギシギシ鈍い音をたてながら
希望の数だけ失望は増える
それでも明日に胸は震える
「どんな事が起こるんだろう?」
想像してみよう
出会いの数だけ別れは増える
それでも希望に胸は震える
引き返しちゃいけないよね
進もう　君のいない道の上へ

Translation:

tell me, Kurumi
What do you see looking at this city
How do I look to you now?

tell me, Kurumi
When I start to hear the sarcasm in someone's kindness
What am I to do?

Remembering only the good times
though it makes me feel like I've aged a sum
But you gotta be one of the gears
trying to get turning
You can have only as much despair as you have hope.
but still, my heart trembles at the thought of the future
'what's going to happen?'
I try to imagine.

tell me, Kurumi
If time will eventually wash it all away
then life must be a simple affair.

tell me, Kurumi
since then I haven't cried once
but, neither have I had many good laughs

Somewhere I did up the buttons wrong,
by the time I notice, there's one button leftover
and similarly one button hole, in need of a button
If you find meaning in finding someone then fine
you can have only as many partings
as you do encounters
still my heart trembles at the thought of hope.
everytime I encounter a crossroads
I'll fret over which way to go but...

Eventhough I want more than I have now
I sing for an unchanging love
that's what makes the gears turn
with the burden of more than I need,
making a dull grinding sound
you can have only as much despair as you do hope
and still my heart trembles
at the thought of the future
"what's going to happen?"
let's imagine
you can have only as many partings
as you do encounters
and still my heart trembles at the thought of hope
guess there's no turning back,
so I'll go on, to a road without you.

Credit: http://www.jpopasia.com/lyrics/5844/mrchildren/kurumi.html

BOBJ visit

As mentioned in the previous blog entry, I had gone to visit the old co-workers in Business Objects. It was pretty fun, but too bad I got to go home...so I couldn't stay for too long.

I wonder when I will see everyone again...

People come and go in my life.... One day, I will see them again. ;)

Orientation

Just worked two days for SFU orientation and Kumon.
That's why I was a bit too busy to blog here....
I don't have a lot of nice photos to share, but if you want to see the ones I took, please visit my Facebook profile.

I finished watching 最美麗的第七天 two days ago. I don't know if I have more time to watch more episodes...but I will see.

I will be going to Business Objects to visit my old friends, so I will blog more later. ;)

Oh yeah...a good music video to show you...ending theme song for 最美麗的第七天.


抱著空氣
By Kevin Cheng & Niki Chow


Introduction video to the episode..

Loneliness...

Working made me feel a bit better...
After all, it made me focus on the students, instead of whatever I am thinking about...

Tomorrow, everyone goes to work again. Why am I always left alone? I guess I will go somewhere alone...

Perhaps it will be better for my body...

I wonder why I get tired so easily, and my backache is killing me...

+++

Someone might ask me what I am doing these days....I can let you know, I really did nothing. I don't feel like doing anything. If I am feeling well, of course I want to continue learning my Hangul stuff, but I had been feeling really dizzy, so what did I do? I dug up my favorite episodes and started watching them.

Here is what I watched...

Title: 最美麗的第七天
Cantonese/Mandarin Title: Jui Mei Lai Dik Dai Chat Tin / Zui Mei Li De Di Qi Tian
Starring: 鄭嘉穎 (Kevin Cheng)、周麗淇 (Niki Chow)、黃宗澤 (Bosco Wong)、唐詩詠 (Natalie Tong)、李詩韻 (Selena Li)、姚子羚 (Elaine Yiu)、李思欣 (Charmaine Li)、何綺雲 (Yvonne Ho)、
徐淑敏 (Suki Chui)、商天娥 (Kiki Sheung)、劉　丹 (Lau Dan)、于　洋 (Yu Yang)

I think the English name of this is called The Seventh Day, but if you ask me to translate the Chinese title directly, I will call it "The Most Beautiful Seventh Day". Anyway....It's a really good love story.

I am so scared

I am so afraid that I will lose oppa forever. He never replied my e-mails... I know he doesn't send me e-mails unless he has to, but still....I still wish I can get some sorts of replies from him.

I wonder if he wants to ignore me forever, or is he just too busy with his own life. He promised me that he will take care of me forever.... but why is he ignoring me? =(

I am so scared...I am so worried. I feel so weak right now. My body doesn't feel right at the moment, and he is not here. =( I don't know what I should do...

Where is Oppa?

I am here again....I don't know who I can talk to right now...

Oppa is not here....I miss oppa...or maybe I am the one being stupid. Oppa doesn't want to be with me. Even if he wants to, we can never be together. I wish I can find him; I wish I can be with him...but perhaps this is just my little dream.

Perhaps Oppa is right. I can only see him again on my marriage day... soo sad... =(

I don't want to lose him too....where is he right now? =(

Oh well...maybe keeping me busy next semester is a good thing. At least I don't have to think too much again...

Kevin and Me

All along, even when I can't be with Kevin, we kept in touch...but I realized that I couldn't even do that. What he did to me in the past gave me too much pain. Every time I think about that, I felt like I want to kill myself.

I phoned him this morning...telling him that I will never see him and talk to him again. I will lose contact with him forever. Of course, I cannot forget him forever, but I am not going to keep thinking about him again.

There were too many problems....and none of them can be solved with just talks...

Lets forget about it... I feel like I should be responsible for what I did in the past few months anyway.