Love and relationship

These days, I kept thinking to myself what love really is.

When I tell a person I love him/her, what does it really mean? I can tell you that it's really about giving care and heart to the person...not just about receiving from that particular person.

Of course, it's always nice to have something back in return, but it's hard.

In these few months, I really love this person (I think you can guess who I am talking about), but he doesn't want to do anything. Yes...we are different, but so? Everyone is different anyway. I accept all his faults, but he really minds. Now he is gone...but it doesn't stop me from thinking about him. Even if he doesn't talk to me, I still think about him. I find it hard to describe how I feel...it's a feeling that I never had before. I love him not because of how he treated me in the past, but I do really love him. Not matter how hard I tried to explain, he doesn't understand.

If he is another person I know...isn't that much better? At least he wants me to stay with him...at least he wants me to go with him to Korea. At least he says that he wants to have a family with me... love is so complicated... why can't the person I love appreciate how I feel about him?

I feel so hurt these days. How can I act like I am ok? He totally rejected me... He never tried to be with me. Is it really a cultural difference that caused the problem? I don't believe it. I can learn, but I know he doesn't believe in that anymore. It hurts me so bad... I don't dare to say anything, because I will hurt him again if I say it. I miss him...a lot, and a lot more.

I don't mind if he has no money, doesn't have a job...or whatever bad things he has in the past. I just don't understand why I never got a chance. He told me to "free" myself, and he even said that he will only see me when I get married. Why does he have to be so cruel to me? I am just a person? If I love a person, it's so hard to change. Should I wait for him to change his mind? or will he even change his mind? What if he never talks to me again? Should I even wait for him if I never get to see him or talk to him again?

If he only knows how true I am to him, maybe life will get a bit better. =(