I want more M&M

I am so tired these days...so tired that I don't even wanna type or say anything anymore. But then, it's not easy to abandon the computer like that, since I have been using computer everyday since...a long time ago, probably back when I started to have internet, when I was using 56k, with name-unknown provider.

Anyway, I ate a lot more candy yesterday. They were soo tasty...haaha...and I ate dark chocolate too.


(All the peanut M&M's are gone....TT)

Anyway, duckie and I had a big argument yesterday...so painful to talk about it again, so I guess...let me pass away...XD)

I love my cute little cat. It's sooo cute!



I guess...that's it for now. gotta go back to study

I need to...

I really don't get it; why does duckie always do that to me?
Oh well.....I will try try try to be happy. I have to be happy.

I really want to learn now. I don't know why. I want to absorb everything I can. So now...I am asking him to teach me everything he learned. Too bad though, he doesn't want to teach me yet, which depressed quite a lot.

I don't mean to act so bad to him. Who told him to leave me alone? Who told him to do everything without me? Who told him for acting this way?

Oh well...I will try try try to act happy. I know I can force myself to act happy. ^^I need to start acting now.

Duckie left me last night

Duckie left me last night, and he doesn't want to come back to me anymore.
Sigh...

I will support him mentally...from really far away.
I will support him, without...telling him how much I love him.

*cries*

I am so lonely these days. When I am feeling especially frustrated and sad, duckie will not be by my side. He always says he supports me, but from how he acts, he never does. All he cares is his works, and nothing else. He might cares about his family, but since I am not part of his family, he just never really cares about me. He only wants to see me when he has time, which makes me extremely sad.

These days, I had been always working. The only thing I really wish from him is that he can see me. However, he didn't choose to do that. He doesn't even talk to me, sigh.....

He isn't really my boyfriend, I guess.
Since he doesn't act like one.

hehe...suprise for today

I didn't write anything for a while again. I was soo busy that I didn't even eat properly everyday, and I got my mom mad for quite a few times.

Anyway, today in LING, the prof realized she screwed up the last question from the midterm (the FSA question, which I got it wrong). Well, as the result, from a test that was out of 32, she made it out of 31. woohoo...and now I get a few percent higher. hahaa

And today, I came to Surrey earlier (I am currently in Surrey anyway). I guess I have more time to do my work. haahaa

I want more M&M

Suddenly, I really want to eat M&M. I ate a lot these days already...haahaa...In the last few days, I thought too much, so I need more sugar in my body =P *making an excuse*

I will never giveup

lol..I will never giveup...
I will sleep now..haaha

soo tired.

><

He is tired already

Duckie is tired with me; he is tired of me saying leaving him already.
He is tired of loving me; he is tired of trying to get me back already.

Maybe he doesn't love me anymore.
I can tell how tired he is from his words in MSN.
I can tell that he doesn't want to do anything to save our relationship anymore, because he knows that he had done all he could.

I know he is tired to continue this. I know he is tired...

He said he is not sensitive anymore, but to me, everything he said is always sensitive, till one day, my love to him dies.

If this is the case, does that mean he loves me less already?

Probably....he had lied to me once, he can lie again. Maybe he loves me less, just that he doesn't know how to tell me.

I wish he loves me as much as before. He knows that, even if he says "I love you forever" 10 thousands times, I will not believe him.

He said I always hurt from because I always want to leave him, but does he know how much he always hurts me? Probably yes, but he doesn't know what to do.

I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe...I will leave this alone, and let it be natural.

Went out to eat with family

I woke up at 10:15am today, then went out to eat with my family. I was gonna tell duckie last night about this, but he left me without waiting for me for 10 seconds or so. I didn't tell him, then I left to eat.

I went to this casino restaurant to eat. Of course, my family would not even try to go to the casino part of the while building; however, since we heard that the food there is quite cheap, we decided to try things out there.



Anyway, after we ate, we went back home without doing any shopping.

When I got out of the car, we noticed something really interesting. Someone was spy on us.



haahaa...it was really really funny.

By the way, I found out that there were some scratches on my digital camera. It hurted me quite a lot, but oh well...as long as it works, it doesn't really matter right?

Long day in SFU

I woke up at 7:00am, prepared everything, checked my student ID, checked everything I needed to bring, ate something, then I left for school. It was such a cold day, but I wore so little, so I was generally shaking on the way to school.

The morning class I had was LING. There, we got off early, because we were getting our midterm back. I did ok, I guess, although I wished I had did better. Oh well...I know I need to work harder, and achieve my goals.

Anyway, after LING, I waited till 4:30pm for my BUEC midterm, and I left school at 6:00pm. Luckily duckie was there with me till 3:30pm, or I would be really bored.

Tonight though, I finally hear from duckie that he is hiding me from his family all the time. I had been waiting for that for so long. At last, it came out from his mouth. Sigh...why did he have to lie to me. I really don't understand.

Anyway, I gotta be happy. I will bath first, then continue to work hard. ^^

Tiring day

Duckie just went to bath, and I was like err.....yet laughing at what duckie sent to me in MSN, when he didn't know I could read his words, but I couldn't send him anything, and he thought I was mad at him. Oh well, I sent him 2 e-mails, along with a SMS. I never knew he replied me to my cellphone, and I turned it off long ago. Luckily, I was hoping he would send me a message in cell, so I turned it on again, and found out I just got another message from my lovely duckie.

Anyway, today, was really tiring. I woke up at 6:00am (really really early), and attended the tutorial, where I got the answers for assignment 3. I had a break after, and I thought that duckie would come to me, but he didn't. I was a bit disappointed, but I could kind of guess that he wouldn't come anyway, so I didn't feel too sad afterwards. After ECON lecture, I had this BUEC tutorial, where we got answers for the past midterm (from Fall 2005, the one Kinki took, I think). After that, I went back to Kumon for work. While I was taking the bus and skytrain back home, I met this guy who suddenly said hi to me, when he realized I was in his class (BUEC) too. We talked till he got out of the skytrain at the Columbia station. It was ok....lol

Anyway, work was really tiring. I work till around 7:00pm. Too bad John had no food left, or I could eat his food again. I asked him,haahaha, and he said, if I want to, he can buy me food next time, but I refused. lol...

I came back home afterwards....then started talking to Peter, on random topics too. It was really funny...lol

My cat is sleeping right beside me again. She is such a nice friend. haaha...staring at me trying to fall asleep, I guess. And...my mom is still trying to force me to wear more, but of course, I will never do that. =)

*starts praying for tomorrow*

These few days

It's quite a long time since I last blogged in here. Actually, I didn't really blog for a looong time, especially in Spymac, because I was soo busy with everything (project, midterms, assignments, readings). I really like to update my sites, but due to my time management, I can hardly keep everything updated.

Anyway, I didn't find my glasses, at the end. I bought another one, which costed me another 89 bucks. Well, it was considered quite cheap already, but still....since I am really poor already, 89 bucks is 89 bucks.


On Monday, duckie gave me a present (or two, if you separate them). They are two little cute animals (duckie and kitty). They are sooo cute, and I love them sooo much (maybe a bit more than duckie my lo gong too).

On Tuesday (yesterday), I didn't do much, but I was trying to learn XML parser really hard. Meanwhile, I was trying to help my friends with some of his works, but then, it wasn't really successful.

Today, I was really really sick (probably from a cold I had yesterday, when I was in school), so I didn't get up early for my LING class. I ended up going to CMPT class instead (leaving home at 1:30pm, and arriving SFU at 2:05pm). Anyway, the lecture was really boring, and I was half asleep. When I came back, the sky was like red; it was really beautiful. I wish I had a camera to take a picture of it.

My birthday party

I had my birthday party today. Well, it wasn't really a party, as we just ate a birthday cake, and I made a wish. heehee...I really hope my dream will come true. ^^


Besides that, my cat lied outside all day, and enjoyed the great sunshine...I really do admire her.



And, today, I didn't do too much. I went out to SFU to try to find my glasses, but I couldn't find it. Sigh....oh well. I wasted a lot of time today, on some useless arguments with duckie.

I lost my glasses

I just found out I had lost my glasses. If only I had found out earlier, I would go straight to SFU to find it. sigh...no one is able to help me, and duckie left me all of the sudden and told me after that his internet was down. He hasn't come back yet, so I assume he doesn't want to come back, or maybe it's because his internet is still down.

He doesn't seem to be able to reply my SMS, so I guess it's because he doesn't want to come. oh well....
I wish he is ok.

I can't really stick to this monitor for too long. I am feeling really really sick at the moment.

midterm

Just come back from LING 10 minutes ago. The midterm was full one word answer, T/F, M/C questions. They are all my weaknesses, so I hope I did ok. The person who sat close to me kept shaking the table/seats with her legs. I was getting so frustrated, so I left the room so quickly.

I have to do something ...perhaps studying for my next midterm, or maybe I should do my ECON instead.

Pain!

Duckie isn't here when I want to talk to him...oh well. I know he is studying, so doesn't matter.

I feel really painful right now. I can't even sit properly. I hope I can feel well soon.

I just want a place to complain, that's all. That's why I come here again.

Sigh...

Last night, I argued with duckie again. I got so mad that I said I would leave him forever. I know I was being really mean to him, and so, he left me anyway, at around 12am. I hope he feels better now. I don't know if I can be with him anymore, but oh well.

For now, I have left him already.

Oh well...that's life. I know he likes to work, work and work. I know he has no time to hang around with me. Maybe this is a good solution, that his parents will not hate me anymore, and duckie can continue to work, and stay healthy.

Thinking of him

Wednesday is usually a day when I can see duckie after an hour waiting. Unfortunately, duckie was sick and went home at around 10:30am. I was really disappointed, of course, but I finished reading the required reading for this week's cmpt course, then I went to Surrey.

I am so worried about duckie. I had been thinking of him almost every second. He kept saying he didn't feel well, and throw up and all that. I really want to say "I love you" to him, but I never got the words out when I talked to him.

Instead, I wrote it on a desk with pencil =P (I am bad, because I forgot to erase it), before I set off to Surrey. hehee....it will probably stick there till there is someone wanting to clean the desk. I will see if I can see it next time I go there.

Pencil case

I am now a stand-alone writer of this blog. At first, I invited duckie to blog with me, but he never did, so I kicked him out from here. haaha.... I really wanted him to write too, but I guess he doesn't want to, so oh well.

If duckie wants to, he can always come back.

Sigh....my face is soo messed up these days. It must be because I ate too many chips =P
I just changed my pencil case. The one I used to use is too dirty, so I went to wash it. Now, I am switching back to my old secondary school pencil case. Actually, I didn't even get a new pencil case for so long. Maybe it's time to get a new one. ^^

I am picky though....maybe that's why I didn't get one for so long.

and the days go by with my trustworthy pencil case. It helped me go through grade 9 to grade 12 =) I am talking about the old one, but the one I just washed, I had been using it since grade 11.

Anyway, I wish duckie gets well soon. I think he passed me the disease....but oh well. I will feel better really really soon. I am strong, I believe. ^^

Grass near my house

I gotta find out who did that the grass...lol...I took this photo today after school. argghhhh

Kumon work

Terrence didn't show up today in Kumon. He got us all so busy and stuff. What a irresponsible person he is...when he phoned the boss in the last minute that he couldn't come.

Honestly, work is all about teamwork. If he knows he can't come, come on, tell the boss earlier! Now, he got us all busy and everything....and I could hardly breath.

Anyway, I am still ok with this job. At the least, I do learn A LOT from it. I learned how to communicate with a lot of people, and at least talk to a lot of people freely, without feeling too weird (and I was really quiet for most of the time). Also, I learned how to corporate with other people. I know I don't earn much here, but at least it's something which I can use my knowledge on. hahahaa

Anyway, there was another person hired in Kumon. I don't know what's his name, but he sounded really really quiet. All I know was that he kept asking me for the answer books. Oh well....lol

What a busy day I had....and I got off work at 6:45pm.

I wish I can earn more.....not worth to do so much work and get so little pay.
Actually, I got paid more already, from when I first worked here and from like 1-2 months ago, but blaaah, whatever. The increase is almost near 0. haahaa....who cares.

This work taught me soo much though, so....I guess, in a way, it's worth it. ^^

Concentration

Just come back from a morning class.

Honestly, I think my depression is getting worse, instead of recovering after 3 weeks of torture by duckie and his parents. Now, I get to a point that I can't really concentrate on things anymore. I yell at people and get upset quite easily, which got me really really frustrated in many ways.

I don't know what I need to do to recover quickly. Everyone doesn't seem to care a thing about me. Maybe they do, but I don't feel that at all.

I guess...that's life.

I need to recover quickly....

Two families

A long time ago, I thought I could just love him and think nothing else. Now, as we grow older, I realize things aren't that simple. It's hard to have two people with two entirely different backgrounds together. For example, duckie's parents, are people with extreme traditional thoughts, who never cared anyone else but their own family. They might act nice to people, but everything is just the outside beauty. If you only see them more carefully, they might be a lot different than you think they are.

My parents, on the other hand, aren't that good either. They give me almost no freedom. I don't know if that just shows that they love me, and being very protective, but still, I really don't like this feeling of feeling "trapped". They are really traditional too, but they are people who always stay at home, being helpful, nice, and don't go out to visit other people much. In a way, they are really quiet and not outgoing. To be honest, my parents are vsery witty, but really innoncent, in many ways. They don't go gamble, drink, or even play MahJong with other families, like some families do. I remember, from what my grandma had told me, that I should never play any gambling. Even if you can control yourself, learning such thing isn't that good.

Now I think back, we come from two totally different families. I live in a family which all the family members are quiet, conservative people. In the other hand, duckie's family, is included with people who go out at night all the time, like duckie's siblings, parents don't really care about their son, and sometimes, they even go out at really early times and don't come back till like 12am or 1am. I don't think that's normal.

I always wonder.....can we stay like this even if we are so different? I really don't like people who always go out at night, go out to BBT, and play Mahjong.

So tired...

I always want someone to talk to...but I guess this little blog is my only friend. ^^

I am here again....

Here I am, talking to my little blog friend.

I just told duckie not to go out to get me a present for my birthday. I hope he understands that I am just doing it for his own good. Who will not someone to celebrate on his/her birthday? Since I have been with him, I always want him to celebrate with me, but sometimes, we have to need to care about the whole situation. Happiness is important, but work is also very important. I hope he can use that time to do some work. I don't want him to stress out too much. I will hate to see if he is rushing to work super hard and try to save time to buy me a present.

Maybe...when love is strong, you will want to care about him instead of your own self.

I wish he is happy, and recover soon.

I am alone again, but hopefully, writing things down in here will give me some comfort.

Last night

Last night, duckie suddenly left me all alone. I don't know what had happened to me. He told me that he would come back really quickly, after he ate something quick, but he never came back. He went offline too, all at the sudden. I waited for like half an hour more, but still no replies. I sent him 2 sms', still no replies from him. I was getting a bit disappointed, so I went offline and went to sleep instead.

Till now, I still have no idea where he had gone to. I came online since like 10am; after an hour of waiting, he is still not here.

Where did he go? come on...this is getting me worried.

Work day

Duckie told me he had to work hard because he got assignments to do, and a midterm later on. Well, I will support him. And, hopefully, I can fight this lonliness. lol. I am feeling ok right now, yet very tired. I am about to go to sleep, but I have to wait for him so I can say good night.

I was gonna do more assignments, but I am just too tired to do so anymore. Furthermore, I need to read the chapters in the coursebook before I can really do it, which will take a me a lot more time.

I will wake up a bit earlier to do that assignment, I guess, so I can work on my project later on of the day and go back to study for my midterm next week.

I find it quite cool to have no one replying me here. I am like talking to myself here, and I don't have to worry about how other people will reply to my words.

Quite odd though, since last December or so, I didn't get comments in my MSN Space anymore. Maybe my supporters are gone, or maybe they just don't want to reply me. lol...oh well...that's ok. I purely write to keep myself updated, and not because I want to have feedbacks from people. As long as I know there are some people in the world who support me, I think it's really good already.

WEEEEEE!

woooohoooo

I finally finished the assignment...weeeee!

It literally took me so long to finish the task. Oh well, it's finally done..

I will do some check-ups on it later.

My decision

Yesterday, duckie and I were talking about our relationship problem again. He said what he wanted to say, then let me decide if I still want to be with him. This decision took me a while...

First of all, I know that..if I stay with him, I might not see him that much (especially after he told me he got a job from some work study thingie). Secondly, his parents don't like me at all (maybe hate me too), which will give me so much pressure and struggles to go with him. Thirdly, it seems like we had a lot of arguments recently. I know we were not intended to do that, but still....arguments are arguments....

However, at the end, I had decided to stay with him. The reasons are, that I really love him, and I believe he will love me and stay with me forever. He said I don't believe him, but I just think he is wrong. I do believe him, but I don't want to keep saying the same thing again and again anymore, just to tell him that I do believe him.

Anyway, I will accept him, wait for him, love him, support him. It might take a while to get ourselves back, but I will be patient. As JK Rowling had said one time, "Patience is the key".